intention update | meh-rch

looking-towards-the-sun-mycreative

I’ve seen it around a bit and maybe the idea that February is the worst month of the year moved to March (at least for this year). I kind of feel like everywhere in the Northern Hemisphere has had a lingering sense of winter rather than the hopefulness of Spring and after reading Decor 8’s post questioning whether the weather doesn’t impact on happy people I have to say I feel it does because yes I am still mostly happy but dai (Italian for ‘come on’) I could do with some full-on spring already! It definitely takes the spring out your step sometimes when the sky is grey and you thought you could stop wearing your winter coat and then you can’t.

This month hasn’t been helped by a lingering cold/flu thing (the last week of which included waking up in coughing spasms about every two hours – though yay for first full night’s sleep last night). Plus a full schedule at work and ignoring working on my dissertation, which inevitably leads to guilt and anxiety that I’m not going to finish it. Plus not working out because I just don’t have the energy after a bad nights sleep. And not even reading because it requires a functioning brain and scrolling through pinterest is easier.

Another feeling that struck me this month is a sort of jealousy. Not a feeling that I am used to really. And not a sort of outright “I want that” or “I want their lives”. I am increasingly seeing my ‘blog buddies’ (mostly people I have actually met and truly like) working towards their dreams. And it is that that I am jealous of. Yes they have real lives and normal people problems but they have an idea of what it is they want and they are making it happen! Perhaps it is my looming birthday (and related thoughts of passing time and the reflection on how I am doing so far)? I kind of wonder what I am really doing and the question that I am having problems answering is ‘What is my big dream? What do I want to do with my life (in terms of how I make money and find creative fulfilment)?’. I mean I love like 80% of my life (and some days even 100%) but I know I am not doing the sort of work that I imagined myself doing a few years ago. But is that imagined life still what I want and perhaps more importantly realistic? Because a bit of realism is needed when you need to pay bills and you want to travel. Anyway a lot of questions.

So that is where I am at the moment, but always hopeful and optimistic.

That said I have been procrastinating on something at least semi-productive. It involves photography but not in a way I would have thought but we will see where it goes. It also involves learning a bunch of new skills not related to photography (ooh cryptic). It is always exciting to learn something new (at least for me) so that will be interesting. I just need to finish my rather unloved dissertation.

So what does April hold? Hopefully more productivity than procrastination. Getting a bulk of my dissertation out of the way. Turning 31 in less than a week! Hopefully more woohoo than meh (Siobhan and I decided they were the opposites of each other).

How are you doing?

6 thoughts on “intention update | meh-rch

  1. I’m totally with you about it kinda sucking the pep out of your step when Spring arrives and then gets all gloomy on you again. Just get here already! I hugely sympathise with that ‘where is my life going’ feeling too. It’s such a tough one. Honestly, I feel like the times I move closest to my ‘dreams’ is when I forget all about where my life is going and just live it. Just do things that I love and things that stretch me, teach me and inspire me. Then suddenly I look back and I’m ten steps forward without even noticing. Anyway, I’m sure this feeling will pass. You’re so talented and probably just need to go out for a walk with your camera and you’ll feel ten times better 🙂 Happy almost 31! x

    1. Yes I have to admit you are one of the people I see doing things which I am so impressed with! So I suppose maybe I just need to stop worrying about it so much. Thanks for the wishes.

  2. Sorry to hear that you’re feeling kind of meh. You have made one of your dreams come true already – moving to Italy! Maybe this has meant your other dreams have taken a bit of a back seat for a while but sounds like it might be time to bring them back to the fore! You are so talented – I’m sure you’ll find your way soon. X

    1. Indeed I am mostly happy and feel infinitely blessed. I suppose I have just got to the point where I am now focussing on the part of the my life that I am not so happy with.

  3. Hi my dear Michelle!
    I sometimes feel like you…..When I’m at work, I think “Hey, but this isn’t what I really wanna do!”, but then I think that I have a job after soooo much time, I’m healthy, and I live with my boyfriend, so everything takes a diferent light…
    When I don’t know where I’m going, I go running, or I go taking photos… 🙂
    Happy almost birthday!!! 🙂
    Ciaooo

    1. Thanks Bea, you are right to focus on the good. It is just how I can gently rearrange things so that I can be working more on what I want. Thanks for the wishes.

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